Sink or Swim?

I keep having this dream where I’m on a sinking boat and there’s this feeling like I’ve been here before. If I don’t get off now, it’s going to drown me like I always feared it would. I know I can swim to shore, I always can. But I can’t get off the boat. I don’t want to. I can’t abandon something that has saved me so many times before, something that has brought me to places I never thought I would go. It’s failing and it’s sinking and it’s going to drown me with it but I can’t let go of this boat. So I don’t. I decide to drown with it. I close my eyes and hold my breath and try not to panic as water fills the boat. I try not to fight as water fills my lungs. I close my eyes and try to pray “No regrets, no regrets.” And somehow in all that try, there’s calm. I open my eyes and find myself floating on top of a now overturned boat.
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I find that things like this happens a lot. The things that inspire can be the things that doom. Our greatest strength becomes our greatest downfall. We get ourselves tangled in situations and people that put dreams in our eyes, while also chaining us to the ground and it’s so hard to know when it’s time to abandon ship. But I’ve found that when I close my eyes and hold my breath — try not to let the panic take over — my instincts never fail me. Not really. I may be coughing up water for awhile but I’ll come back stronger than ever before. I like to think so anyway.
But don’t take my word for it. I wouldn’t want you to drown. This is just a dream anyway.
Wake up.



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